There are awkward moments in recovery. Any recovery. With all the craziness happening in the world the last while, especially politically, and my tendency to want to get drawn into it, I knew I needed to walk away and just get out. Besides that, the weather has been fairly nice here and it just draws me out of the cocoon I like to be wrapped up in. It’s more comfortable that way.
My awkwardness starts with the coordination I’m trying to regain, and not knowing when it is me and something else at play. The magic of brain injury is that the result of the injury doesn’t neatly line up with where the injury occurred. The muscles are at the extremities, and can be seen and felt in a real sense. We know when they get sore or tired or seem to be causing pain. But when they aren’t working properly, it’s a real kicker to follow the chain back and associate it with a brain function that you can niether see, or feel, or sometimes control.
My walk yesterday was on a little trail along a creek that runs through the city, but it comes from a far edge of the city and winds its way through. There are literally houses right at the entrance to the park where the trail starts. It seems to be popular with locals from the area to walk their dogs. No one seems to have told them that when their dog craps on the path, it’s a good idea to pick it up so that as it freezes in the snow of the trail, other dogs don’t come along and dig it out to eat it. Poop popsicles may be a big seller at the pet store. I don’t know.
The issue for me was the nice weather. Most of the time it is considered a really good thing to have nice warm weather to get out and do stuff. However, the weather here is just right to keep the snow on the verge of melting most of the day so that when I was walking, there was never a time that I felt sure about where I was stepping. I had to watch others who were on the trail slip and slide around without grip to know that it wasn’t just me who was experiencing this phenomenon. A short walk became an exhausting walk as not only the challenge of coordination was at play, but the uncertainty of every step. There was a rock down by the waterfalls to sit and take pictures which become my stable perch for a while so that I could regain a sense of control and especially rest my weary legs from the work of stabilizing an otherwise wild walk. Of course there is a trade off for sitting on a cold rock… that being the acquisition of 10 foot home rods. May I suggest that will be the opposite of a poop popsicle?
Metaphors give lots of things for my mind to do whether I ask for them or not. Removal of the ability to have firm footing while we walk our journey not only tires us out, puts us in danger and frustrates our progress, but it literally means we have to take some time on a cold rock and the grief that that may bring also causes it’s share of discomfort! Sit on that metaphor and rotate. You can take that metaphor as far as you want to go. I know I did.
We are all sick of the state of affairs in our world today. And yet, unless you are willing to sniff unicorn farts and climb rainbows, I haven’t met anyone who is willing to back away from their ideals and actually try to understand the other side. Trump seems to be a pill that has brought out the worst in everyone. Maybe that’s just what the doctor ordered? In order to fix any disease, it helps to know what that is first so that you can see it for what it is and get to the root of the problem. I am more and more convinced that the problem is not “out there”… the problem is “in here”! In me!
And so with the problem being in me, causing all the grief with my own walking, I know that especially now, especially now, I need to get out and practice self control, and on a wider spectrum I need to practice life in this way; “But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously— take God seriously.” Micah 6:8