12 Dreaming

This isn’t about me. It’s supposed to be. I mean I’m here to get better, no?

The night included one roommate pissing the bed because he couldn’t hold it until his helpers could come. The demeaning attitude he got from the help hurt my heart. Then the other roommate puked beside the bed because the help didn’t come on time. I suppose it would have been more bearable if I had a better nights sleep and they wouldn’t have whipped back the curtains on my humble little compromised space with the lights on because they were working on my crazy French neighbor. Thankfully he now knows that my corner of the room isn’t a place to piss, but he stares blankly at me most of the day and says nothing to anyone unless he is swearing or telling them off for trying to help. I’m so thankful that I can do much on my own. Waiting for help is tough.

If it’s not the 3rd roommate asking to hike out to ask the nurses questions or get the nurses to come faster to his bell, it’s the fourth roommate asking me to push his wheelchair or hike him up in bed. It’s just a lot to say no to and deal with as the therapists and staff are telling me to tune things out and make space for my personal rest and healing.

The really good news is that my roommates requests of me are because I am the most able bodied and thankfully my recovery is swift. That’s why it must look like I am able to do these things for them. A stroke(the injury of the brain) makes it hard to see the damage done. Especially when recovery is this steady and amazing. But man do I get tired and need to retreat to my safe space to recharge. I learn every day where my boundaries are and find out how difficult and slow recovery will be. But I’m thankful because it’s happening and because I’ve been told some really encouraging things. Physio says that a year will erase the effects of the stroke almost completely and I’m the only one who will really know. I don’t really want to remember these challenges except as things I’ve overcome. If I didn’t have that hope, it would take a lot more effort to see the positive and be this driven to recover.

Although I’ve been asked to help out my fellow man, I know I can’t go beyond my personal limits and continue to place priorities on the things which are important for me to accomplish at this point.

In trying to pass the time courteously and graciously, I’ve tried to be civil and friendly. But that very thing has been the catalyst to the most socially disturbing thing that’s happened today. Another stroke patient was blocking me with her wheelchair in the hallway and while she was moving herself out of the way I simply asked her name. She told me as her friends behind her stood smiling and looking on, and watching the interaction. I then told her my name, to which she replied in a loud voice, “oh I know YOUR name and don’t think I don’t dream about you at night!” Her friends faces dropped suddenly. I nervously said, “okay well I’ll see you later.” I might just tactically avoid her for the rest of my time here, although it’s nice to be thought of.

At least I know my crazy angry Frenchman roommate won’t bother me much. After supper he yelled “Hello” in the room while I was the only other occupant. As I replied with a cautious “yes, can I help you?” He looked directly at me and yelled, “Nevermind!! I’m talking to myself!” So I simply said, “Okay then. Enjoy your conversation.” It was best to let him do his thing.

I hope that this long post has something of value for you to think about. I have no choice but to think about them all day. It helps me pass the time to write about them too.

Be encouraged that your prayers are worth it and highly valued. I am progressing really well. Carry on as you are able. I love you all! Good night.

Author: dharsch

Seeking pilgrm, Husband to a most true companion, father to 5, and user of opportunities.

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