BROKEN, NOT BROKEN. NOT BROKEN, BROKEN. Today kind of takes those two words and makes me try to figure out which to put first.
Obviously there is the broken body that needs to heal and an unbroken spirit which propels me onward to do my best to heal. Those are the stories that everyone loves from someone facing adversity to tell. How inspirational!! How motivating! It makes you want to jump up on the desk and shout hallelujah. I know I’m being somewhat facetious in my tone, and there was plenty of that kind of stuff in this day to write about. What really needs to be written about more often is how bloody hard, almost impossible it is to keep picking up broken pieces and gluing them back together in hopes you will have something left to salvage, all the while gritting what’s left of your teeth with the resolve necessary to glue what you have back together so you may show to others that you are “not broken”. The news is, glue can’t hide cracks. They have to be considered as their own kind of beauty.
Do you focus the other way around and look for what’s not broken in your life and work with that? Do we collect what isn’t cracked and try to make something of that? This is maybe a little tougher because it means a total change. Can we give up what things were and look for something totally new? I don’t personally know too many people who can forget about the past. I know lots of people with drawers full of pieces who from time to time take those pieces out and try to rebuild what was.
Today I found out that my brain may be “broken”, but my spirit isn’t. Did you know that when you have a stroke, you may have fully formed working muscles that are like they are not there? And then when you “work” them, your mind may think it can do things, but those same muscles will tire quicker? I found that out. Today I went to rehab to work. My spirit would have gone for eight hours or more, but the therapist said I was tired so she called it off. That’s not how I felt!! Once again I really had to figure out what was really broken and what wasn’t. The cracks weren’t obvious.
In another piece of today’s puzzle, I sat with a psychologist who assessed whether I lost any memory or other brain function in the incident. The good news is, they are pretty sure that neither of those were affected but I believe I remember them saying something that it magnified my ability to be a smart alek. That may be a crack I wish to make sure is better hidden by the glue if I go that route.
After a long hard day of tests and workouts, my wonderful wife took me to the slaughterhouse and helped me with a shower. She also snuck in some great food. Then we had a great conversation where my speech was quite clear and I walked better than I have since September 11th. We both have hopes that this amazing positive progress is the beginning of great things.
Thank you all for your love, your support and your prayers. For all my Christian brothers and sisters expecting a chapter and verse sermon in all of this, sorry to disappoint. I don’t think it necessary when we all know truth and we live it integrated into every stitch of the fabric of our days. God grants us the strength to walk the path before us, regardless what it is. Once again, I ask for healing, but more important to me is Gods understanding company as I walk my journey. And that’s my prayer for you too.